Flux

The very nature of life is flux. To resist change is to resist the very essence of our existence.

Water: The Nietzschean Drink

I’m the kind of person who’s overly obsessed with her hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week psychological and emotional states. It is a rather subconscious obligation that I conform to, because, quite naturally, I do like to give a truthful answer when I ask myself “how are you today?” – I want to ‘be at’ or ‘be working towards’ the Feel Good state of being at all times.

It became a habit to take note of the kinds of snacks I eat throughout the day, whether be it ice-cream, chocolate, juice, potato chips – you name it. Most of them are high in sugar, true. Take chocolate, my used-to-be favourite bite: as most of you might know, chocolate consumption has been associated with the release of neurotransmitters including serotonin, endorphins and dopamine. These neurotransmitters activate specific neural circuits in the brain that are associated with mood regulation, feelings, motivation, pain.. etc. From personal observations, I noticed that I only really craved chocolate when I suffered decreased levels of these neurotransmitters. How do I know? Behaviour. I turned to chocolate when I felt slightly depressed, overwhelmed with workload, or simply when I wasn’t at a desired state of well-being.

That’s when I realised that I don’t intrinsically love chocolate, or chocolate ice-cream. They still do taste yummy to me, it’s just that I don’t find myself craving them as often anymore.

What happened?

It’s really simple. I couldn’t allow myself to rely on something extrinsic to solve my intrinsic problems. Personality? Perhaps. Life premise? Most probably. Whatever it is, I ain’t taking no shortcuts. My conscience said no – I said, as you please.

What I did was that, whenever I found myself swinging below my happiness set-point, I would retreat and introspect to detailed events of my day to figure out just what went wrong – and solve it. Sometimes, this is too simple. But at other times it’s like I seriously don’t know why I am feeling the way I am. Basically, the answer changed from ‘chocolate’ to ‘introspection’.

This week, our fridge had a couple of Lindor chocolate bars that I happened to pass by several times a day, and walk away from just as peacefully. I guess it became a habit –  resolving daily hassles from the core helped me realise that I had mistakenly fell in love with certain things.

Life without chocolate can be boring. Not! It might sound odd to reveal my new favourite snack, but yes I’m willing to taste a bit of embarrassment: water – in a fancy glass, with a straw. At times with ice cubes – well, that would be like icing on a cake. Needless to mention its having zero calories. It’s perfect.

Nietzsche believed that to anyone with the slightest interest in being happy, water always suffices. It’s amazing how you can derive genuine pleasure from simple, simple things.