poetry

Contradictions

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Contradictions make me itchy.

They’re a sign of immaturity,

Perhaps I shouldn’t rush it.

But I look at those who’re supposed to be

Wiser than I am,

And the sad reality is that

They say one thing, and do another.

I keep reminding myself,

“Beware, don’t be like them.”

In a fight

I cannot move forward,

I am too busy shielding myself,

Protection.

I admit that I am trying to enjoy

A chaotic journey.

Will I ever have everything?

And how much am I willing to sacrifice?

Can I just let go?

The price is high no matter which road I decide to take.

But for now,

I confess that I not mature enough to go down that road.

My conscience does not allow me

To make avoidable mistakes.

So forgive me.

Forgive my little contradictions, just for now.

Forgive my inability to follow-through.

Forgive my working against my desires.

I will call you when I have things figured out.

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Stay

Stay

In the darkness, sightless
Holding my pride, needless of help
Hesitant of every step I take
Blindfolded, I walk

I trip, but manage not to fall
I don’t know what it feels like
To hit the ground
It only makes me grow in fear

I grow older, not knowing what’s it like to fall
What if I fall too hard when I’m too old – when I’m too weak?

Am I learning? I see no mistakes
Maybe tiny little blunders
But am I desperate for mistakes?
Is it a mistake not to make one?

Too wary, too cautious
Adventurous, a risk taker
I let myself go – but with you, too close, I can’t
I cannot ignore you, your eyes
They watch me, I’m too cold – I’m paralyzed

But You – You free me
Stay
You’re my mistake, I embrace Your existence
I don’t want to live in regret
I don’t want to miss the chance
Stay for as long as You can

Defying The Law of Attraction: For as Long as You Are, I am

We no longer live in a small town, where people can either be family, friends, foes, or simply strangers. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, but I do find myself caring about the kinds of relationships I develop with people, and it’s not often in black and white. In fact, it’s fuzzy and mysterious – often accompanied by a ‘Woah!’ reaction. Below, I attempted to roughly sketch the sorts of relationships we go through.  

In the lives of each one of us, there are:

1. People that are present by necessity:

  • People that are present by necessity whom we love.

  • People that are present by necessity whom we don’t like.

  • People that are present by necessity and have gradually become unnecessary.

2. People that are present by chance:

  • People that are present by chance, and we gradually grow to like them.

  • People that are present by chance, and we gradually grow to love them.

  • People that are present by chance, and we gradually grow to unlike them.

  • People that are present by chance, and we constantly think of ways to get rid of them.

3. People that have come to exist independent of the law of attraction:

  • People whose sole existence brings us happiness, even though we have nothing to do with them – or stopped having anything to do with them, or will never have anything to do with them.

  • People whose sole existence brings us misery, even though we have nothing to do with them – or stopped having anything to do with them, or will never have anything to do with them.

It is peculiar. Human relationships, from my point of view, are much more complicated than meets the eye.

It is intuitively clear to be able to assign people who belong to the necessity and chance categories to relevant sub-sections. However, it becomes blurry and often surprising when we look at those present independent of the law of attraction.

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I look at this category as hosting the elite (or worst) people in our lives. And its nature is extremely dynamic, in the sense that anyone in the necessity or chance categories can advance (or regress)  to the independent of the law of attraction category – or for short, mere existence category.

Category 3.a: I might be talking about those heavenly bodies with auras surrounding them. Those people that we can’t help but smile when we see their face or their name. Those who possess a genuinely beautiful soul that can’t help but burst right through their bodies. Those whose mere existence fills us with a sense of serenity.

Category 3.b: We may know nothing about them. But intuitively, we’re better off away from them. And if they happen to pass by, fear cripples into us accompanied by feeling of uneasiness. Those whose mere existence makes us miserable.

The truth is, the existence of people in category 3 is rather beyond human explanation or reason. As unfulfilling and doubtful as it may sound, we might have encountered those people in past life and have learned that their souls are exactly what we’re longing for (or not).

Regardless. To those who fill our lives with inner peace…

It isn’t for want
of something to say—
something to tell you—

something you should know—
but to detain you–
keep you from going—

feeling myself here
as long as you are—
as long as you are.

~ Cid Coreman