Little Things

Life, at times, chokes one with its wonders, particularly gigantic wonders – tallest tower, highest summit, smartest phone, etc. There is a lot to take in and appreciate that we often lose the pleasure we once derived from a stranger’s smile or the lost dime we noticed by the traffic light as we waited patiently to cross the street. Inattentional blindness – it is not our choice anymore – to turn our eyes away from little things that have once given us pure joy – it is rather that our eyes, even when confronted by the most innocent and noteworthy of gestures and actions, cannot perceive them.

I set out to try to be fully attentive to little things around me: from words, pictures and things that required a 180 degree head turn or two feet bend-down, to situations that involved awkwardly taking photos of seemingly trivial objects in public. It was rather interesting, beautifully significant, and effortlessly thought-provoking all of that which managed to present itself to my consciousness.

1. Honest, beautiful, but repetitive remarks:

• Mom & Dad: “Girls, you get prettier by the day. And we’re not saying that just because you’re our children”. Me: “Mom, Dad – all parents say that to their children, and by that I mean: all parents say “we’re not saying you’re pretty just because you’re our children.”” But thank you. Just another laugh we’re to remember years down the road.

2. Societal consolations:

• When you’re ambitious, people say “dream big, you can do whatever you want in this life.” But when your dreams don’t come true and your hopes come crashing down, people say “well, you know, dreams die.”
• Life is ups and downs, when you’re up, you’re a sinless saint, when you’re down “everybody makes mistakes.” Maybe being straightforward or avoiding such things as white lies is what we hope for, but what we really need is consolation, even when it conveys the silliest and most contradictory of remarks.

3. At the mall:

• Looking at the mall map, trying to find direction to the bookstore, then someone from behind rudely exclaims “excuse me!” and pushes herself forwards to read the map – in my mind, “dude, can’t you freakin’ see that I’m using the damn thing?!” But no. I apologize politely and walk away, having barely satisfied my need of finding the store.
• You make your way out to the parking lot and see a huge box for book-donations, and you think “there’s still some good left in this world”.

4. At the counter:

• You’re 50 cents short of total payment in a supermarket, the cashier asks you to give up one of your groceries. You say goodbye to your favorite chocolate bar and move on in life. Yet, when the cashier owes you some coins and is desperately looking for change in the counter to give it to you, it makes you feel good to whole-heartedly say “it’s ok, keep the change”.
• Naïve – yet when your change contains the brightest, newly-made coin that is mirror-like in clarity, you put it on the shelf and decide to never spend it.

• Impatiently waiting to buy your stuff, and instead of looking at your phone pretending to be busy, you decided to notice the few toys and souvenirs  around. It reads “Microwaveable Hottie” and you think to yourself “Daf*q?”. But then you realize that, in reality, “Hot Hugs” are much needed, because the world has gone cold, and stuffed animals whose tummy can be microwaved are more humane than humans themselves.

Maybe waiting at the payment counter gives you the chance to think about the meaning of life.

• You’re out to buy a birthday present for a loved one when an expensive kitchen-tools’ shop catches your eyes. You enter to see the cute little baking utensils, and you look upwards to see the most magnificent and creatively-made chandelier you have ever seen, only to truly wonder “who thought of designing that?”

I don’t know about you, but thinking back to the events and people I encountered, and randomly checking the photos I took on my phone, instagraming them to give them that extra glow to shape a pleasant memory, is pleasurable. Writing this post is also pleasurable – a good exercise and an effort to understand the workings of my mind and the workings of the world. Even my typing in long, fragmented sentences involves the intention of making you think “she’s complicated.”

The headlines in the news, the fancy cars, and skyscrapers never cease to amaze me, but they have equally mastered the art of distracting me from the here and now – from the little things that truly give meaning to life, from the little observations that provoke thinking about the complexity of our world, our society, our failures, our successes, and our short-comings.

Boredom is an illusion – you cannot be bored. There are just so many things around waiting to be noticed and waiting to impact you in some way. Just over seventeen years on Earth, and it is only now that I made such realizations. Some are over 70, and still fail to integrate meaning into life.

It’s simple: look around, and pay attention.

Much Egocentrism Behind Utopian Hopes

I tweeted the other day, “Much egocentrism behind Utopian hopes.” I don’t really know where I got these words from, but as I revisited them, I thought they beg for some explanation. And, keeping in mind the “Twitter code”, I thought I’d better do it here.

Let’s think about some “good” things we always wish are displayed in people’s behavior or adopted during social interactions. For example, you would like people to be honest and outspoken, to mean what they say and say what they mean. I think these examples are so subtle to be picked up by speech or body language (especially in the cases of those who have mastered them for the purpose of deceit). Being the good person you are, you display trust and honesty, and you mean every single word you say. You want to truly believe that others will reciprocate. You hope that you’re not “being played” or that others might be taking advantage of your goodness. You want to blindly believe that the world is good. But somehow you can’t. For some reason, probably risking too much or having been through a certain grave experience, you choose not to.

It’s a simple and sad truth. You can’t read minds nor know intentions. You cannot allow yourself to assume that other people might also have good will, relying on no substantial evidence and based solely on your damaged sixth-sense. In fact, not only that. You also believe that you’re the ONLY one with goodness, the only one who can be trusted, and the only one who won’t hurt others.

Relating back to my tweet: you are desperate for a better world, but you attribute the goodness only to yourself.

It makes sense. After all, thoughts cannot be touched or seen. You can only be sure of what goes on in your own mind, and the fact that you have one. Who knows? Others might be robots or zombies. But let’s face it, we choose to believe that they have minds like ours for ease of life, even though it’s merely an intuitive claim.

Maybe I should backspace a bit. Oh wait – I won’t. But I will thank philosophy class for, I don’t know… MAKING ME QUESTION THE EXISTENCE OF OTHER MINDS!

Anyway, you see the picture. You’re a good person, you want good things, and you behave in good ways. But. Here comes the big BUT.. You don’t believe in others believing that you’re a good person, who wants good things, and who behaves in good ways. And you don’t believe that others are good people, who want good things, and who behave in good ways. But really why should you?

I don’t know. It strikes me. Each one of us has his or her own model of the universe. And, quoting Neale D. Walsch, “nobody does anything bad according to their model of the universe.” Chances are, if you take two models and compare them together, they are probably going to be oceans apart in difference. What is “good” in someone else’s model might have disastrous effects on your life. Actually it might kill you. (I recommend reading Walsch’s book Conversations with God for some examples and clearer explanation than what I could ever write). So what.to.do.?

Should you believe that people are good? As painful and disappointing as this answer might be, I think you should. You should, because you want to go out into the world with at least some faith that you’re going to be safe and happy. You should, because indeed there are people in your life who have done you good, and there’re only very few, if any, who have done you harm. You should, because what goes around comes back around: if you’re a good person, you should attract good experiences and good people. You should, because, if you believe you create your own life, you are responsible for it. You should, because you want to know how awesome it is for others to share your Utopian attitudes. You should, because you want the world to be a better place, don’t you?

Utopia is that which is in contradiction with reality

~ Albert Camus, Between Hell and Reason.

Sono Fuori di Testa.

I just learned that it’s all normal. But that doesn’t make it okay. Well, it might make it expected, allowed, or tolerated. But certainly not comfortable. If I shout out loud, right now, “You were right, I take myself too friggin’ seriously,” I won’t be surprised by your looks that quietly whisper “Oh, shocker!”

No, dude. You don’t understand.

There’s something inside my brain, somewhere. I assume it’s just not functioning properly. It’s broken. I just cannot stop the stream of thoughts that’s only sucking life out of every fiber of my being. It’s just sad.

I can’t feel sorry for myself. I know what I’m looking for, but somehow it seems too far out of reach – for now.

Acceptance. And no, not from people. Please.

Self-acceptance. It’s harder to attain than anything else. I think. And needless to say, I haven’t attained it yet.

I need to make mistakes and be okay with it.

I want to live and not think too hard about it.

Life, to me, is about balance. But the very act of balancing involves going through much imbalance by nature.

Man, it’s hard.

Many have arrived smoothly and peacefully to this stage I like to call “letting go”. But no, I wanted to play for a little while with shit. Stubborn as I am. Paying the price. Learning, if that’s what you want to call it.

I’m fine.

But I don’t feel I’m doing the right thing.

Life Principles One Should Take for Granted

I can’t remember the last time I picked up a ‘reading-for-pleasure’ book in Arabic. The truth is, I only happened to pass by my parent’s bookshelf because I had read all the books that were in mine. I picked up a translated copy of Love Your Illness by Dr. Valerij Sinelnikov, which radically reminded of things I have forgotten. Things I had rather abandoned in the face of evidence, facts and figures. It sounds trivial, but I hope my explanation would erase this thought from your mind.

Those things, by the way, were principles.

They are rather natural, intrinsic principles. In no way they were acquired – they were only realized, ditched, and realized again.

1. I, it is me who creates my life and the world that surrounds me. I create my own world, with my thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Consequently, my body, my soul, health, relationships with family, friends and strangers – all are nothing but a reflection of my thoughts, intentions, and emotions. The without mirrors the within. So long as I construct my world, I can change it – I can change myself. 
2. Life is fair. One’s actions start not with words or behavior, but with thoughts, feelings and intentions. The thought is a form of energy that translates itself to the material world. If life sounds unfair to you in any way, introspect – look into yourself, and not at the outside world or other circumstances. Whatever it is the thought we think will rebound – it will bounce back to our life either negatively or positively. Similar things attract. A negative thought will create frustrating circumstances or illnesses. A positive thought will create love and kindness – and all sorts of helpful circumstances. You and I decide on the nature of our thoughts. They are absolutely under control.
3. There is a clear difference between the real world and the map we create of it (our perception). The subconscious mind creates a map of reality, using the knowledge and energy surrounding us, and presents it to our conscious mind. In other words, our conscious mind plays the role of a supervisor or evaluator of events and circumstances created by our subconscious mind. World-maps differ between one person and another. Thus, everyone literally lives in their own world. Our world-map is in tune with our subconscious workings of the mind, which are in constant creation since childhood – and that is how the outside is essentially a reflection of the inside.
4. Everyone is responsible for his own world. This is the responsibility law – a focal point of transition towards self-understanding and development. Watch all that goes on in your life. Consider every experience you’ve been through a wonderful life lesson. For instance, if a situation triggers certain emotional responses in you, look into yourself – they are there in your subconscious mind. Look for the positive lesson that you take from this experience. Everything that happens in our life has been caused by our thoughts – thoughts attract matching experiences; remember: similar things attract. Likewise, if you don’t like a particular trait in others, this trait is certainly already in you. Get rid of the desire to change the world or the people around you. Accept everything as it is – accept others for who they are. It is only when you change that others do. When you take responsibility for your own life, you are free to choose your thoughts and feelings.
5. The law of Perfection. A human being is but a part of this universe, and so he is constantly aspiring towards perfection. No living creature is perfect, because it is part of the whole. Thus, he unconsciously, and throughout his life-journey, aspires to be perfect – aspires towards the whole. That is the one thing that is in common among all living creatures. Everyone with their journey towards perfection – spiritually at-ease. The human is anxious for being away from home – away from his origin. The search for happiness, pleasure, and money are but unconscious ways to sense belongingness to the whole – to attain perfection.
6. The law of Optimistic Goal. It is of absolute importance to realize that our subconscious mind always aims at optimistic goals. I deeply believe that every person possesses extreme levels of complexity, and so nothing that ever happens to him is an accident or “by chance”. Everything happens for a reason. The purpose of any action is positive and good. Nobody does something wrong according to his model of the universe. There cannot be a negative aim, because, quite simply, there aren’t negative life experiences. There are only experiences and consequences. Negation exists only in our language. We never know what we want, we only know what we don’t want.
7. Your subconscious mind stores every single detail of events in your world. And that is one explanation for dreams, predictions, telepathy – things that are inexplicable in materialistic terms.
8. People create their own illnesses, and thus, they, and only they, are capable of ridding themselves of the illness by ridding themselves of its causes. The causes have accumulated inside of them, not in the outside world. Because of:
   1. Failing to understand and realize the aim and meaning of life.
   2. Failing to comprehend universal and natural laws and abide by them.
   3. The existence of negative and destructive thoughts and feelings in your conscious and subconscious mind.

Illness is a sign of imbalance and lack of harmony in the world. Hence, love your illness and accept it. Illness, of any kind, outwardly mirrors murderous thoughts, desires, intentions and perceptions. It is, in fact, a form of protection – relative to the subconscious mind – from our destructive thoughts. To heal your illness, you need to change your perceptions and thinking. People perceive illness as an enemy, but fighting illness is a form of fighting the self. When you accept your illness, you accept yourself. You use the energy, in whatever form, in a positive and creative way. Illness is a form of energy – use it to understand yourself and the world around you.

I haven’t done this post justice, but I hope you get what I’m saying.

One more thing, I don’t think principles should adhere to the laws of physics.

I imagine most of you will at least agree with one thing: we create ourselves – free will. Doesn’t it follow, then, that we can do/change/create/destroy anything?

These thoughts are comforting. I believe they feed the ego. What feels better than sensing that we’re in control?

Trustworthy until proven… not?

They ask why it is so hard for me to trust people, I ask why it is so hard to keep a promise. – Unknown.

What is trust? You could go look up the formal definition because I won’t dwell on it. Instead, I’ll get straight to the point:

Trust is a downright irrational act of exposing your vulnerabilities to someone while praying day and night they won’t take advantage of you. Put family and close friends aside. I’m talking about people in general, and possibly lovers (to whom you truly surrender.)

Surprisingly, in such a materialistic, heartless world, you could still find trust. But often going down the drain.

And no, I’m not talking out of experience. Mere observations.

It is said that trust can be not only emotional, but also logical. That is, a logical act of assessing gain and loss and concluding that the person in question of trustworthiness will behave in a predictable manner.

But what is predictable anymore?

In fact, if we were logical when we trust, we would find no reason to trust.

Trust is a belief. It is groundless, unwarranted. It lasts for as long as the wave won’t sweep the sand. And when it comes to love, you don’t go bringing up your calculator. You put on a blindfold and fall in. Period.

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”  ― George MacDonald

Maybe we should rethink love?

Anyway,

According to Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Trusting requires to:

1) be vulnerable to others (vulnerable to betrayal in particular);

2) think well of others, at least in certain domains, and;

3) be optimistic that they are, or at least will be, competent in certain respects.

Easy. Moi. Duh.

I don’t have trust-issues. However, my reasons when it comes to trust are neither rational nor justified, but they work – often. No, I was never seriously disappointed or betrayed as far as my memory could stretch back in time. But watching others go through that made me think about the nature of trust:

Do we try to be the person with the good-nature and form positive assumptions about anyone so long as they don’t give us a reason not to? In other words, do we trust blindly just because the person never behaved in a way contrary to our expectations?

Or,

Do we not trust someone until they earn our trust?

But doesn’t the very act of earning someone’s trust require the soon-to-be trustor to allow a little room for uncertainty and potential for betrayal? Otherwise how could he or she test the trustee’s trustworthiness?

Last, but not least, how can we ever be so sure?

Do we rely on intuition to trust or not trust someone? Is that justified and fair to the other person?

Trust is like a hypothesis that cannot be tested for its wrongness until, well, betrayed.

Then again, we call helplessly for the power of mind-reading or intention-knowing. But they aren’t there, so we take chances as Ernest Hemingway advises us to,

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

Again, mindless notes in case you haven’t noticed.