Little Things

Life, at times, chokes one with its wonders, particularly gigantic wonders – tallest tower, highest summit, smartest phone, etc. There is a lot to take in and appreciate that we often lose the pleasure we once derived from a stranger’s smile or the lost dime we noticed by the traffic light as we waited patiently to cross the street. Inattentional blindness – it is not our choice anymore – to turn our eyes away from little things that have once given us pure joy – it is rather that our eyes, even when confronted by the most innocent and noteworthy of gestures and actions, cannot perceive them.

I set out to try to be fully attentive to little things around me: from words, pictures and things that required a 180 degree head turn or two feet bend-down, to situations that involved awkwardly taking photos of seemingly trivial objects in public. It was rather interesting, beautifully significant, and effortlessly thought-provoking all of that which managed to present itself to my consciousness.

1. Honest, beautiful, but repetitive remarks:

• Mom & Dad: “Girls, you get prettier by the day. And we’re not saying that just because you’re our children”. Me: “Mom, Dad – all parents say that to their children, and by that I mean: all parents say “we’re not saying you’re pretty just because you’re our children.”” But thank you. Just another laugh we’re to remember years down the road.

2. Societal consolations:

• When you’re ambitious, people say “dream big, you can do whatever you want in this life.” But when your dreams don’t come true and your hopes come crashing down, people say “well, you know, dreams die.”
• Life is ups and downs, when you’re up, you’re a sinless saint, when you’re down “everybody makes mistakes.” Maybe being straightforward or avoiding such things as white lies is what we hope for, but what we really need is consolation, even when it conveys the silliest and most contradictory of remarks.

3. At the mall:

• Looking at the mall map, trying to find direction to the bookstore, then someone from behind rudely exclaims “excuse me!” and pushes herself forwards to read the map – in my mind, “dude, can’t you freakin’ see that I’m using the damn thing?!” But no. I apologize politely and walk away, having barely satisfied my need of finding the store.
• You make your way out to the parking lot and see a huge box for book-donations, and you think “there’s still some good left in this world”.

4. At the counter:

• You’re 50 cents short of total payment in a supermarket, the cashier asks you to give up one of your groceries. You say goodbye to your favorite chocolate bar and move on in life. Yet, when the cashier owes you some coins and is desperately looking for change in the counter to give it to you, it makes you feel good to whole-heartedly say “it’s ok, keep the change”.
• Naïve – yet when your change contains the brightest, newly-made coin that is mirror-like in clarity, you put it on the shelf and decide to never spend it.

• Impatiently waiting to buy your stuff, and instead of looking at your phone pretending to be busy, you decided to notice the few toys and souvenirs  around. It reads “Microwaveable Hottie” and you think to yourself “Daf*q?”. But then you realize that, in reality, “Hot Hugs” are much needed, because the world has gone cold, and stuffed animals whose tummy can be microwaved are more humane than humans themselves.

Maybe waiting at the payment counter gives you the chance to think about the meaning of life.

• You’re out to buy a birthday present for a loved one when an expensive kitchen-tools’ shop catches your eyes. You enter to see the cute little baking utensils, and you look upwards to see the most magnificent and creatively-made chandelier you have ever seen, only to truly wonder “who thought of designing that?”

I don’t know about you, but thinking back to the events and people I encountered, and randomly checking the photos I took on my phone, instagraming them to give them that extra glow to shape a pleasant memory, is pleasurable. Writing this post is also pleasurable – a good exercise and an effort to understand the workings of my mind and the workings of the world. Even my typing in long, fragmented sentences involves the intention of making you think “she’s complicated.”

The headlines in the news, the fancy cars, and skyscrapers never cease to amaze me, but they have equally mastered the art of distracting me from the here and now – from the little things that truly give meaning to life, from the little observations that provoke thinking about the complexity of our world, our society, our failures, our successes, and our short-comings.

Boredom is an illusion – you cannot be bored. There are just so many things around waiting to be noticed and waiting to impact you in some way. Just over seventeen years on Earth, and it is only now that I made such realizations. Some are over 70, and still fail to integrate meaning into life.

It’s simple: look around, and pay attention.

Living in black, white… or shades of grey?

Funny someone once threw words at me, asking me to act “naturally” and not make a big deal out of living. Two words, dude: define natural.

–

I’m still in the process of putting together a worldview and a philosophy of life. I don’t recall when I decided to embark on this journey, but I have come to know that it is an essential stage in the course of development.

For some reason, some people tend to use that squishy thing trapped inside the skull, others tend to put it aside and do some experimenting, and still others switch it on and off as they please. People are oceans apart when it comes to how to live, but they all have one thing in common (I hope), and that is to answer one little, yet fundamental question “Who am I?”.

We have three types of people, broadly speaking.

Well, what is the normal way to go about life’s journey? That’s an easy question. Do what everybody else does! If most people around you use their brain and act rationally, then that’s the norm. If people tend to experiment and try things out to see what works for them, then that’s another norm. And finally, if people tend to use their brain at times, and try things out at other times.. then, you guessed it, that’s another normal way to live.  

So basically, the definition of the normality of a human life, in this context, is the extent to which he or she fit into and adopt environmental or social conventions.

If we take it up a notch, we might inquire about the nature of the human being, or the natural way to live. And that’s when it gets tricky. The so-far-attained truth is that nobody knows! There’s no answer yet. Knowing the nature of the human being is the very motive of “knowledge.” This simple inquiry is what originates humanities and social sciences, and much, if not all, of the problematic philosophical debates. Is the human being a thinking thing? Or a rational animal as Aristotle suggested?

Do we have absolute control over our lives? Do our experiences shape our lives? Or do we shape our experiences?

Are we merely realizing our capacities? Are we blank slates? Or a little bit of both, a part characterized by innate dispositions, and another part in need of experience to be activated at all?

Black, white, or shades of grey?

I think the picture is starting to expose its three dimensions. But as I mentioned earlier, there is no right or wrong answer. And it’s even possible that these are not the only routes to go about living.

It’s really up to you. There’s only the answer you formulate. Consider the following questions:

How do you view yourself now? How do you like to view yourself in the future, looking back? How do you like to think about the nature of the human being? How do you like everybody to behave or think? What is your ideal? Does your definition of the ideal contradict your reality? Can you enact your own definition to what’s left of your life? Or would you passively confirm to the external, cozy norm? Are you likely to think of your actions as experiences? As choices? Or a matter of contingency or self-serving bias: as experiences when they turn to mistakes, and as choices when they turn to success?

How you answer those questions should give you an insight on your current philosophy. You could choose to reflect and change. Perhaps you’ve been too rigid and rational, too passive and inactive, or swayed too heavily by what comes in your way (i.e. easily impressionable, or going with the flow). 

Remember: make a choice, commit to it, and act on it.   

Here’s a snapshot to my own view and ideal:

I’m now certainly neither white nor grey. To elaborate on that, as a child I might not have had the choice to be black, so I did use to be white, and needed to experience many shades of grey up to a certain stage in the course of my development. But I have come to a point where I believe a decision can and is ought to be made.

So yeah, I like it black. I find the idea of a “thinking thing” very attractive and I’d like to think of myself as one. No I’m not a passive recipient of external stimuli, and neither do I need experience to realize what’s right or wrong. It’s all up there. That squishy thing between my ears, inside my skull is what creates this life I’m living and what is responsible for my choices and their consequences. Sophrosyne (reason, self-control, moderation, and self-awareness), to me, characterizes the very essence of a human being.. so why not at least try to fulfill this prophecy during my lifetime?

Again, I wouldn’t know if this is natural or not. But one has got to start somewhere, even if it’s from a mere belief or ideal, and work towards fulfilling it. I guess.

Much Egocentrism Behind Utopian Hopes

I tweeted the other day, “Much egocentrism behind Utopian hopes.” I don’t really know where I got these words from, but as I revisited them, I thought they beg for some explanation. And, keeping in mind the “Twitter code”, I thought I’d better do it here.

Let’s think about some “good” things we always wish are displayed in people’s behavior or adopted during social interactions. For example, you would like people to be honest and outspoken, to mean what they say and say what they mean. I think these examples are so subtle to be picked up by speech or body language (especially in the cases of those who have mastered them for the purpose of deceit). Being the good person you are, you display trust and honesty, and you mean every single word you say. You want to truly believe that others will reciprocate. You hope that you’re not “being played” or that others might be taking advantage of your goodness. You want to blindly believe that the world is good. But somehow you can’t. For some reason, probably risking too much or having been through a certain grave experience, you choose not to.

It’s a simple and sad truth. You can’t read minds nor know intentions. You cannot allow yourself to assume that other people might also have good will, relying on no substantial evidence and based solely on your damaged sixth-sense. In fact, not only that. You also believe that you’re the ONLY one with goodness, the only one who can be trusted, and the only one who won’t hurt others.

Relating back to my tweet: you are desperate for a better world, but you attribute the goodness only to yourself.

It makes sense. After all, thoughts cannot be touched or seen. You can only be sure of what goes on in your own mind, and the fact that you have one. Who knows? Others might be robots or zombies. But let’s face it, we choose to believe that they have minds like ours for ease of life, even though it’s merely an intuitive claim.

Maybe I should backspace a bit. Oh wait – I won’t. But I will thank philosophy class for, I don’t know… MAKING ME QUESTION THE EXISTENCE OF OTHER MINDS!

Anyway, you see the picture. You’re a good person, you want good things, and you behave in good ways. But. Here comes the big BUT.. You don’t believe in others believing that you’re a good person, who wants good things, and who behaves in good ways. And you don’t believe that others are good people, who want good things, and who behave in good ways. But really why should you?

I don’t know. It strikes me. Each one of us has his or her own model of the universe. And, quoting Neale D. Walsch, “nobody does anything bad according to their model of the universe.” Chances are, if you take two models and compare them together, they are probably going to be oceans apart in difference. What is “good” in someone else’s model might have disastrous effects on your life. Actually it might kill you. (I recommend reading Walsch’s book Conversations with God for some examples and clearer explanation than what I could ever write). So what.to.do.?

Should you believe that people are good? As painful and disappointing as this answer might be, I think you should. You should, because you want to go out into the world with at least some faith that you’re going to be safe and happy. You should, because indeed there are people in your life who have done you good, and there’re only very few, if any, who have done you harm. You should, because what goes around comes back around: if you’re a good person, you should attract good experiences and good people. You should, because, if you believe you create your own life, you are responsible for it. You should, because you want to know how awesome it is for others to share your Utopian attitudes. You should, because you want the world to be a better place, don’t you?

Utopia is that which is in contradiction with reality

~ Albert Camus, Between Hell and Reason.

…from The Picture of Dorian Gray

Oscar Wilde’s only novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray, is by far the most fascinating novel I’ve ever read. I see it as a beautiful marriage of almost all elements of life. Here are some quotes that I believe convey pure, conflicting, and baffling thoughts.

On philosophy and psychology:

To be good is to be in harmony with oneself.

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.

Real beauty ends when the intellectual expression begins.

Anything becomes a pleasure if one does it too often.

I never approve or disapprove of anything now. It is an absurd attitude to take towards life. We are not sent into the world to air our moral prejudices.

We live in an age that reads too much to be wise, and thinks too much to be beautiful.

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.

He felt keenly conscious of how barren all intellectual speculation is when separated from action and experiment. He knew that the senses, no less than the soul, have their spiritual mysteries to reveal.

Knowledge would be fatal. It is uncertainty that charms one. A mist makes things wonderful.

Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes.

When the passion for sin, or for what the world calls sin, so dominates  nature, every fibre of the body, as every cell of the brain, seems to be instinct with fearful impulses. Men and women at such moments lose the freedom of their will. They move to their terrible end as automatons move. Choice is taken from them, and conscience is either killed, or, if it lives at all, lives but to give rebellion its fascination and disobedience its charm.

Sin is the only real colour element left in modern life.

On life and the self:

The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly – that is what each of us is here for.

There is luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has a right to blame us.

[Hedonism’s aim] is to teach man to concentrate on himself upon the moments of a life that is itself but a moment.

[People] have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to oneself.

To get back one’s youth, one has merely to repeat one’s follies.

Human life – [… is] the one thing worth investigating. Compared to it, there was nothing of any value.

He wanted to be where no one would know who he was. He wanted to escape from himself.

Each man lived his own life, and paid his own price for living it. The only pity was that one had to pay so often for a single fault.

To influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural desires. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of someone else’s music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him.

On love and marriage:

I don’t think I am likely to marry, I am too much in love.

To see him is to worship him, to know him is to trust him.

The people who love only once in their lives are really the shallow people.

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

The real drawback to marriage is that it makes one unselfish. And unselfish people are colourless. They lack individuality.

Women defend themselves by attacking, just as they attack by sudden and strange surrenders.

Whatever [women] ask for they had first given to us. They create love in our natures. They have the right to demand it back.

Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect – simply a confession of failure.

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls Romance.

Perhaps one should never put one’s worship into words.

On people:

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good character, and my enemies for their good intellects.

Nowadays people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

In art, as in politics, les grandpères ont toujours tort.

One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.

There are only two kinds of people in the world who are really fascinating – people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves. It is what I call the depth of generosity.

Other:

You must not think I don’t like good music. I adore it, but I’m afraid of it. It makes me too romantic.

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.

The advantage of emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of Science is that it is not emotional.

I can sympathise with everything, except suffering.

The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves. The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

The Freedom of Uncertainty

If we take a step back and look at the things we take for granted, we might start to believe we are Gods. We plan years into the future – anything and everything – from studies, holidays, projects. You name it. We are just so damn sure we’re surviving every second of every single day.

Don’t get me wrong. Planning is good, setting goals is great, but the truth is we might be pushing it a little too far. We immerse ourselves in prospective events, forgetting the gift of the present.

The sad reality is that each one of us needs a painful punch in the face or a catastrophic wake-up call. I’ve had my near-death experiences, but I know that I should have and could have realized this long before.

Here’s my perspective:

Fear-of-uncertainty is a symptom, slowly causing the taking-for-granted disease, and the after-effect of disappointment.

And I get it. Look at the world. Everything we do is built upon the desire for certainty so it is natural that certainty contributes to our comfort, happiness, well-being. We like to be certain that when we grow up we get employed and make money, so we go to schools and universities. We like to be certain that we are safe and protected, so we create laws and governments. We like to be certain that our partner won’t leave us the next morning, so we get married. Those are rather weak examples, because, unfortunately, humans have already found ways to defy them. Bottom line though, social institutions, interactions, boundaries, and laws are there to exert control – to make our lives predictable and conventional – nobody wants to live in randomness, chaos and anarchy.

I totally get that. That’s awesome. I like to wake up every day knowing that I have access to internet and food to eat.

But this is escalating. It is altering our sense of self and appreciation of life. We don’t feel that anymore because we live in the nonexistent future.

Diagnosis and Explanation: 

If we contemplate the premise, fear-of-uncertainty, it is only making us spin our wheels. Fear of uncertainty urges us to anticipate future events in our lives and take them for granted, because it gives us a sense of comfort, safety and certainty, only to be disappointed later on. We like to be in-control, but we are driven by fear. We’re driven by a rusty thought, so it is only logical that things won’t turn out well.

I don’t just sit there, contemplating the mess. I’m not saying that you should either. In fact, I’m asking you to work your ass off in this very moment and let the universe take care of the rest. Expect nothing. This is not only comforting, but also plausible.

Reason:

My friend, David Hume, happens to share my views. His work suggests that our belief in causation is nothing more than a habit or custom; we don’t have rational basis to explain why something causes something else because there is no impression of the necessary connection between cause-and-effect. Our experience has taught us to believe in constant conjunction that B frequently follows A, but the odds are things might turn out to be random, needless to mention our human experiences. Experience does not provide evidence for that necessity.

Re-read.

What Hume is trying to say is that we can never know for sure why something causes another, because the connection between any cause and any effect is vague or nonexistent. Our mind happens to group A & B because they constantly show up together, and not because there is an impression of this connection, i.e. there is no lively and forceful element that underlies causation. There is no rational, 1+1 = 2 relationship between cause-and-effect.

We can only be certain that things are uncertain.

 

Here’s the bad news, as David Levithan puts it:

“The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to uncertainty.”

Uncertainty is incurable. Live with it. Don’t go trying to find your way around, you’ll catch the disease.

The good news is that we can think of uncertainty as a source of freedom and not fear. We can change the mindset and believe that the outcome might turn out to be better than we expected. The universe is ordered, I choose to believe that. It’s just that our awareness of this order is very limited. Solution? Live in the now and embrace uncertainty. Take this moment and make the most out of it. It is exciting and thrilling, and we long for these sensations to feel human and alive, and not robotic.

If you choose to plan, align your expectations with reality.

As a reminder, you need to do your part and take nothing for granted. After all, a hole in one is pure luck, but getting it close to the hole is a skill.

• Luck
• Skill
• Skill + Luck

Did I mention I’m still preaching that to myself?

Different is the new Trend: Blind imitation

If it’s daunting, it’s working. Introspection – it gave me headaches, and I don’t even know what headaches are supposed to feel like. Just as I withdrew into myself a little too much, I began to develop this Utopian worldview that quickly disappeared in thin air as I slowly reopened my eyes to reality.

I gracefully deceived myself into fantasy for the sake of feeling good. But soon I was bombarded by cruelty, on the one hand, and the unbounded power of my mind, on the other hand.

For those of you who know me, know that I tend to talk quite a lot about sheep. Because, quite frankly, we converse with people about our experiences and our perceptions of others, which, in my case, are overwhelmed by sheep-like ‘things’. Having aced self-deception, I decided I should deliberately blind myself so much that I can only see the bitter-sweet side of life – reality.

Chillax. I don’t hate sheep – although I eat them.

Anyways, I think sheep are original in their own right. Humans are original in their own right as well – we have cultivated and mastered the skill of blind imitation.

Many would argue for evolution, and the fact that we have a better chance of survival sticking to the group. Do you know how I see it? I look at as a plain, badly informed way of living that dismisses our capacity to think rationally. To add to the irony, people who are disgusted by the idea that all organisms may have had a common ancestor are the very people who implicitly identify with sheep. In other words, you behave like sheep but refuse to have any association with them? C’mon. There has to be a link: we can either blame common descent or praise our unique human ability to imitate.

It is an epidemic. Being different is now the new sheep.

Again, we rush blindly and ignorantly to be different, for the sake of being different, because everybody else is trying to be different. It is just a matter of time before we all end up being the same, again. Are we getting paid to play in this vicious cycle?

I wonder why can’t we stop trying for once and just be naturally original?